We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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