I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Randomize
