This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
