TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
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