i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
