Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
And then my night got REAL pukey
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
