Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
