Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
