Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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