it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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