I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
she smelled like a LAN party
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Randomize
