wanna go halves on a baby?
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
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