that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
only you would photoshop your dick
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
