My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
