I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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