dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
