i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
