i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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