I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
