Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
