Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
