have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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