This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
