i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
