walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
