Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
