Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
