dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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