i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
