Non-Jews are for practice
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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