i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Randomize
