remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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