I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
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