Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
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