True but thats because hes a fetus.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I fill condoms, not promises.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Randomize
