That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
