Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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