Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
