and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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