My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
How's work?
Spinning.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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