...so i touched it.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
