They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
