found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
