get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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