Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
