No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
