I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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