Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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