just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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