went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
