Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
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