I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
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