it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
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