Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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