Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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