Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
