Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
