I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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